As I was doing quiet time tonight,
this verse spoke to me.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

As always, the first thing that came to my mind was Law School,
because it was and is the only thing that troubles me so much.

The question that came to my mind immediately was, what does it mean to have fought a good fight?
Is fighting a good fight giving your best?
What gives you the ability and strength to fight a good fight?
Is it confidence?
Is fighting a good fight but losing still fighting a good fight?
Is fighting a good fight determinant on victory?
Or can even failures can be a result of a good fight?
Honestly, I'm not sure of the answers myself.

I haven't quite shared this before but deep down inside,
I still have that fear,
of school in itself.
I don't get it,
why I don't get the confidence.
I don't get why I've found my place yet not quite in this school.
And you know every other day I think about graduation,
and I'm scared.
I really am, of not making it.
And sometimes I feel so ashamed because I said I've trusted,
but having this fear in itself isn't quite trusting.
):
Will I really finish this race?
What really is finishing this race actually?
Will I ever dispel all my fears?

And the last part of the verse speaks about keeping the faith.
So the question that arises is,
what does it mean to keep the faith?
In knowing that God is sovereign and in control of everything and that everything is going to be alright in the end?
What even is alright?
Or to keep on trusting even in failures and all the insecurities?
And I think this part of the verse is slightly easier and puts things into perspective.
Because it is in keeping the faith that a good fight is fought,
and it is in keeping the faith that the race is finished.
And keeping the faith in essence is really about trusting and believing that God will work for the good of those who love Him in spite of all the adversities life might throw us,
and in knowing that where we are empty,
He will fill us up.
And essentially not relying in our own strengths,
but really in Christ alone.

At the end of these four years,
will I be able to say that I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith?